your personality is constituted of real self and the ideal self, Your Real Self is who you actually are, while your Ideal Self is a glorified version of yourself created out of what you have learned from your life experiences, the demands of parents and society, and what you admire in your role models.

The ideal self is a picture perfect person who your consciousness constantly unconsciously remind you about.

what kind of person does our brain wants us to be and to what degree is it possible or even plausible to be that character, which our mind calls the ideal self? The ideal self can be dangerous, it can alter us from reality, some call it the abuser who wants to remind what they are and can not be, while some think of it as a lover who wants them to grow into a better person. you can call it the voice of reason or voice of moral conscience. but whatever you call it, your mind won’t cease to remind you of your ideal self, best you can do is to quiet it down for a while.

“perfection is always beyond and out of reach and that is crucial to the functioning of ethical ideas”

Professor Heather Widdows

Root of Idealization and its Dangers

idealization as Google defines it – The action of regarding or representing something as perfect or better than in reality. E.g “her idealization of childhood as a time of innocence” it is not just you who idealizes yourself, this phenomenon has a root, your parents can idealize you to be something they want you to be, they see you as a successful project For example, your parents are medical doctors who are respected and admired in the community, and experience tells you that in order to be happy, you need to be smart and have a high-paying job. Your Ideal Self might be someone who excels in science subjects, spends a lot of time studying, and does not get queasy at the sight of blood. If your Real Self is far from this idealized image, then you might feel dissatisfied with your life and consider yourself a failure.

idealization can come out of many concepts such as morality, ethics, culture, society and even love. that is why, no matter how impossible and fictional reaching the ideal self might sound, your mind will always believe that this is the right way, it can even be a defense mechanism – idealize yourself from someone tyrannical so you can be what they want you to be in order to get out of danger,

{Du Bois in his book  ‘the souls of black folk’ argued that African-Americans had to as an unfortunate means of survival incorporate into their ideal selves the perspectives of racist white people who hated them and develop what he called a double consciousness to survive in a racist world}

this example might not be the right way but a much needed one! we are a social animal and we see people around us some inspire us while some disgust, but in a society we all are always thriving to reach some kind of ideal state of being, your ideal self will be stronger in a region where people are more linked to their society and its ethics. The wave of liberalism might have toned it down, with the advent of concepts like liberty, justice and equality, individualism came into being, people are no longer what society wants them to be, they are “no one’s slave” they are “master of their own souls”

But that was not enough because ideal self is beyond what your parents and society wants you to be, it comes out of your personal experience and life events, the role models you worship, the people you hang out with, all of these factors affect you brain.

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No matter what, society or not, your brain will be always there for that is who and what you are and it will constantly remind you of what you are not and what you could have been and you are not the person you can be! You are stupid and a coward and you are fat, ugly you don’t even work out HOW DO YOU EVEN LIVE WITH YOURSELF !?. Yes, that is how the ideal self sounds. It shatters your real self; it puts your life into a question; you regret your decisions you become afraid to take actions you are afraid to meet people show your face and if you can’t tame it, it ultimately stops you from going further in life pushing you back over and over in this void where there is you and your consciousness constantly nagging you.

As long as you are there, so is your ideal self, we don’t understand love, loving yourself is not pampering it till Ms.Ideala Selfy (your ideal self) comes and remind you of who you should have been! That is also love, like any parent also loves you and wants you to become a better person, the goals you have set for yourself, someone is costly there to remind you you have to get up and get going in life! Try to be something good make yourself proud. But still somewhere….. They way you are might be the happiest moment of your life and to be happy and stress-free you must quiet your ideal self even if it’s for a small moment.

tame it -See the nature, the trees some tall some short, with our without branches, grass and flowers, see the insects and the butterflies, people in the park, old men and young-lings, laughing

“everyone is different, so are you. Insects are no less than butterflies for what they are, beauty is subjective so is your ideal self. “